A Father’s Quest: Reuniting with His Son After Decades Apart
When mail call came on the U.S. Naval carrier each week, every sailor would get quiet and listen closely for their name being called, hoping that someone from home – a sweetheart, a parent, a friend – would write to them and break the monotony of the six-week voyage to Korea. On one of those days, 18-year-old Michael would get a letter from his mother that would change his life forever.
Dear Son,
Your girlfriend from church is pregnant…you’re going to have a baby. I hope you are doing well, please be safe.
When he’d first read the news from home, Michael was surprised but also elated. He was in love and wanted to get married so they could be a family. Michael had enlisted in the Marines for four years and was stationed in Okinawa, Japan, but as soon as he could, the kid from San Diego sailed back home to meet his future bride and newborn son.
Yet when he arrived in California eight months after the birth of his son, Michael did not get to kiss his girl, nor did he get to hug his son. Instead, he was referred to an adoption agency for answers.
“My girlfriend had signed away her parental rights in the hospital because she didn't think she could take care of our son properly,” says Michael. “When I got to the adoption agency and told them I wanted custody, the people said no. They handed me a picture of my son and said that this is the only time I'll ever see my son, so forget about him.”
When his son was two, Michael filed for custodial rights in the family court and was denied. Once again, he was determined to meet his progeny, but a judge deemed it too irresponsible to put a child under the care of a Marine who could go to war and possibly die at any time.
“His foster parents wanted to adopt him, and I wasn’t fit to be a single parent, so I got to see my boy that day in court, and that was it,” Micheal says. “The judge did say that if he wanted to, my son could reach out and find me on his own when he turned 18, and that brought me some relief.”
Years passed, and with no word from his now adult son, Michael began to seek any information on his whereabouts, but all he had was the mother’s last name, and his son was named after the foster parents. With no success finding his child, and other life problems weighing him down, Michael started to fall into negative behaviors that eventually led to his incarceration at 36.
While inside prison, Michael began to look for his son earnestly, asking anyone who would listen for help. He was desperate for answers he couldn't find.
“I was involved in several programs, and some of the volunteers from the streets heard my story and wanted to see what they could do,” says Michael. “They filed paperwork on my behalf at the adoption agency, but my son's mother had died, so it became difficult to get any information.”
Michael made several more attempts to find his child from the inside, but eventually, he stopped trying. He had turned 48, and Michael figured that if his son wanted to see him, he would find him on the web.
“I gave up attempting to find him before I was released. I felt empty and sad, but it’s hard to miss something that you never really had,” says Michael. “I always said I’d look for him when I got out.”
Two years ago, Michael was released from prison and began rebuilding his life. Following his parole officer’s recommendation, he joined the Center for Employment Opportunities (CEO). Michael started on a transition work crew, beautifying the city of San Diego while working with a job coach to secure stable employment.
After six months of hard work, CEO offered him a custodial position and paid for Michael to earn certificates in forklift operations and OSHA guidelines. Things were going well for Michael, but then, last month, the unthinkable happened.
“My sister called me at three in the morning and asked me if I recognized this man’s name,” Michael says. “I screamed yes, that’s my son!”
She was looking for their distant family through Ancestry.com, while Michael’s son had taken a DNA test to find his biological parents. His son’s DNA was a hit on both of Michael's parents, so his sister knew it had to be him. She started texting him with no success, so Michael started texting him, too.
“I just left a message saying that I didn’t abandon you. We didn’t give up on finding you. I tried to get you back many times and even went to court,” Michael says.
Michael’s son responded immediately. They started talking on the phone and doing video chats, getting to know one another. Michael learned that his son had played football in the NFL and worked in finance.
They decided to meet in person at his son’s home in Sacramento in mid-October, a day Michael had waited an eternity for.
“When he opened the door, he was so big he took up all the space,” says Michael. “I hugged him and said I love you, and he said I love you too, Dad. It was like we were never apart.”
His son was happy but nervous, so they drove to a diner to talk alone and catch up. Michael opened up about his time in prison and his struggles to find his son, while his son shared that he felt unwanted and like a mistake. They cried and laughed over the initial awkwardness and admitted to each other it felt natural to be together, like father and son.
“It was amazing meeting my son for the first time, and I was happy and sad at the same time. It was a relief because I never thought it was going to happen,” says Michael. “I didn't know what I was walking into, and he didn't either. I thought he would be resentful that I gave him away, but he welcomed me with open arms.”
“Don't ever give up trying to reconnect with your kids. God works in mysterious ways,” Michael says. “This life’s story is not written yet, so anything can happen. Anything.”
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